somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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