Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
