That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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