Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.

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(208): View more from Idaho

I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.

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(303): View more from Colorado

No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay

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(518): View more from New York

Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos

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(786): View more from Florida

hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"

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(313): View more from Michigan

The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath

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