Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
