I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize