Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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