On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Randomize
