so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
