The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
