well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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