you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
