Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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