I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
A+ Viking dick
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
