Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
