I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
