can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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