her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
pray to the hookup gods
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
