I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
