Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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