People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
