Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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