im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize