i would punch a child for taco bell
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
you never un-have a 4some
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
