Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
