dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
