may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
