Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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