Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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