I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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