I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
