physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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