So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
