theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
