i just wanna soil my oats bro
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
