Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
