he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize