I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
