So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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