I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
