I faked an abortion last night.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
