Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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