I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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