My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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