Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
