Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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