dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He better not be in your backpack
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
