you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Randomize
