Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
