My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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