if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize