i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
