the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize