Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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