He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
