When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
