woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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