I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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