I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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