I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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