I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
