i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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