I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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