1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
