it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
