speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
