I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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