I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
