I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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