when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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