My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
