Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
