either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
