So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
