Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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