More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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