I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
