last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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