god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
