I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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