Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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