I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
