My hand turned me down
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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