____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
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