I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
