i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
