All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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