A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
