Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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