Hey man sorry I got all grabby
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I was not drunk enough for that final.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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