It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
How does one acquire holy water?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
