people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I think a kid would responsible me up
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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