OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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