the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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