Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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