I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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