what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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