surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
