Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We talked him into tasing himself.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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