I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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