I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
