stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
