Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
