I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
