Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize