So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
