This dress was meant to end up on your floor
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
