just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
